Throwback Thursday

Spending this #throwbackthursday #tbt looking at a photo album from my past that, seriously, seems like it was only a year or two ago, but it’s been over a decade! I stopped on one photo of myself and my now husband, Carlos, before we were married and before having my two boys. Alyssa was always in the picture. 🙂  It’s not the typical romantic couple “kissy” picture. He managed to plant a cartoon style SMOOCH on me before I had a chance to realize this was going to happen. I am a mixture of being thoroughly amused and being grossed out. But it’s very obvious that the couple in the picture is very much in love, happy and super silly (and maybe slightly obnoxious). As I look at this picture, I’m reminded of who I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I have made some strides and grown in a lot of ways as I’ve grown up, but I’ve lost some of THIS along the way. It can really suck a lot of fun out of life when you grow up and start having a laundry list of responsibilities. It’s stressful when you have other people to worry about other than yourself and the person you’re in love with. I love my kids so much, but my anxious personality takes that love and turns it into worry and paranoia half the time. That’s something else I need to work on-a blog post for another time, perhaps. But, whatever happens in life, no matter how stressful, I cannot allow myself to change so much that I lose THIS. The words from Johnny to Ponyboy come to mind when I see my past self. “Stay Gold.” I’m going to try to.

Image

Carlos and I circa 2002

Advertisements

Priorities, priorities, priorities!

Being a work at home mom, I tend to overwork myself, even when I know it’s unhealthy for myself. Many moms I know tend to put themselves at the bottom of the family totem pole, and I am guilty of that. VERY GUILTY. It’s only when mom gets sick or has a nervous breakdown does she truly realize that she is the nucleus of the family. Without her, things just don’t run as they should. But when she’s overworked, stressed, and has a terrible sense of self, how well can she run that family even when she’s getting by? Not very well. This is the lesson I learned this month.

My son got a cough, then my husband, then me. It was bad-it was more than a cough or a cold. This one led to some respiratory issues and it lasted about 3 weeks before showing any signs of going away. Previous to me getting the bug, I’d been overworking myself with my job, my freelance jobs, guilting myself over housework, guilting myself for not doing my best as a mom, feeling depressed and then feeling guilty about that, trying to fit in laundry and dishes, guilting myself for being unhealthy, dealing with the stress of a difficult teenage girl, a very difficult two year old going through the terrible twos, and an otherwise easy middle son who was feeling ignored and slipping at school. My job and getting more freelance work was something I felt was for myself, and necessary, as working from home hasn’t matched up my old income from working for a corporation yet. But, it was starting to become an escape, and not a healthy one. Finally my mind and body had had enough of my crap, and my immune system shut down. I got that virus and ended up having to go to Urgent Care. I couldn’t breathe or sleep for 3 nights. Truth be told though, I hadn’t been able to sleep right in a long time, and not just because of a nursing child. My mind was riddled with stress of all kinds. The pain in my chest started more mental and emotional than physical, but it was manifesting itself into the physical and grown into pain in my digestive area and then acid reflux. So when I got sick, I realized what I had done to myself.

So shifting my priorities now. Taking care of my health and making sure I eat right again. Being active again-starting a little slow because of the weight gain that all the cortisol from the stress had caused. Reconnecting with the kids-and they in turn have reciprocated my efforts and have been helping me with the housework more, without me having to nag half as much. I even reconnected with my daughter after having been disconnected for about 6 years now (that was a BIG one). Rocky even sleeps through the night! He even had his first 2 night sleepover at the grandparents’ house which was a miracle! I’m not going to say all my problems are solved but they never will all be solved will they? It’s all in how I handle it-and I know if I want to avoid another WORSE physical breakdown, I need to keep my chin up and remind myself why I’m staying at home in the first place. I could get more work done easier in an office, but the reason I decided to stay home and work from here is to be here for my family. And I have to remember that to be truly HERE for my family, I need to take care of myself, too.

Growing Wheatgrass

Image

At the Farmer’s Market, we tried a shot of wheatgrass from one of the vendors. She kept telling us how great the stuff is for teeth and gums, which of course made us look right at her mouth. Her teeth and gums looked really healthy! Her skin also looked very clear. You could tell she wasn’t wearing much makeup at all if any. I’ve been reading about growing wheatgrass for a while now, so we ended up buying some seeds from her that were already sprouted. Only $4.50 for a giant bag! I planted quite a bit, but still have a lot left! I need to make more growing trays. Anyway, this is my first time growing this, and I created a makeshift tray out of some leftover tomato plastic containers from Fresh N Easy:

Image

I cut them in half and then poked holes for drainage:

ImageImage

My second tray ended up better.

ImageFilled it with rich soil and compost that i had mixed together earlier. I added water to make sure it was a nice moist mixture, kind of like brownie batter!

ImageOriginally I placed too many seeds…

ImageThe tray on top of the other half to allow for drainage…

ImagePretty wheatgrass trays all in a row…

ImageWatered it, and the drainage system looks like it’s working well…

ImageCovered them up for the night…

I’ll post progress pics of success or failure. 🙂

Field Trip Work Day

Sometimes Carlos goes on field trips for work. Today was one of those days. I was able to work mostly on my phone this afternoon, so the baby and I got to go with him. What a beautiful drive it was to Malibu. We drove on PCH, and because it’s still winter, the road was empty, just like the car commercials depict that are filmed there. Here are a few pictures from our trip:
Image
Image
The view from where we ate lunch, Cholada on PCH.
IMG_8903
IMG_8881

Look at that water!
IMG_8904
Daddy and baby. 🙂
IMG_8915
Ah…home sweet home.